I am always reflecting on my experiences in the industry as a performer, webcam model or custom video content creator. I shared with you a story of a custom video client who I had for 3 years and what his roleplay fantasy was every time I did a custom request for him. 3 years later, he shared with me where it stemmed from.
Today’s blog entry, has to do with a current webcam client I have now and what he shared with me last week that triggered my two-part article. I ask you to not only read this with an open mind but also with the hope that one of my readers might have a solution.
This client comes to me quite often, and always with the same scenario and an extensive amount of description before each session. Although, his roleplay is not out of the norm, I have questioned the details that are repeated to me verbatim prior to us beginning his show.
Just like any other night, last Monday I received a request from this client to see if I was available for his scenario. He proceeded to again, explained to me in detail exactly how he wanted it to go down, in which my response was, “sweetheart I’ve been doing your shows for quite some time, I know what you like.
As we began, something was different. I could see in his eyes and facial expressions a sense of urgency and possible nervousness.
When The 10 minutes was up instead of ending the show with our normal thank you and goodbye’s, we began to converse about Thanksgiving, family and if he had to wake up early for work.
What he then shared with me, I am sharing with you my readers, first to give you a better understanding of these roleplay scenarios that are presented to us a performers but also, this is to see if anyone reading can shed some light on what I learned about him last Monday night.
My client was traveling on a bus heading to a family function in early 2000’s, when he experienced a panic attack and had to abort the family get together and head home. He said he had never had anything like that happen to him previously. Soon after, he was diagnosed with a disorder known as, Agoraphobia, the fear to feel safe in public spaces and some have it so severe, they feel they cannot even fathom the idea of leaving their home.
He shared that since that no one in his family had suffered from this disorder or any other mental illness. He said that since that occurrence, he has never been the same. He is still undergoing different levels of the medication to find the right balance that works for him. He still has the fear of leaving home and said the farthest he made it what to the corner of the street outside his apartment complex.
I asked who he lives with and how he pays his bills. He lives with his older sister and on disability. He has everything delivered, groceries, meals and does not even have a back yard to sit and enjoy some fresh air.
Together, we continued discussing if something on that bus triggered a childhood memory or had he ever witnessed some type of violent act. He said the only thing doctors have come up with us just a chemical imbalance and medication is the only answer.
Think about this just for a moment, with the pandemic and the early lock downs and quarantine, we complained about not being able to go out and have any social interaction with others. Now, my client is sharing with me that he fears to go out and here is the part that hit me hard, his only interaction with another human being besides his sister is his roleplay sessions with me.
Now, I will share the roleplay scenario and see if we can connect the dots and find any type of resolution. Every roleplay scene is an edging scenario. For my listeners unfamiliar with this terminology, it is the feeling of getting yourself so turned on almost to the point of orgasm and then denying yourself that pleasure. It is only through the roleplay with me and my allowing him the permission to release, that he experiences the euphoric feeling, but only with my permission.
Can you imagine never being able to leave your home and the only interaction you have is with a webcam model on the other side of the country. I am the only one he roleplays with as he has felt judgment and ridicule from others so says he prefers to wait for me to be back online.
I had never heard of this illness up until last Monday. I am asking my readers to please read, share and comment if you possibly know someone who has been in his shoes. I told him that the summer off 2022, I will be in New Jersey where he lives for the Exxxotica Expo. He said he would have loved to attend last month when I was in town, but never even told me he lived in New Jersey.
I made him a promise. If they are still unable to figure out the correct dosage of medication for him to get through this, we are packing a picnic and enjoying our sandwiches on the sidewalk of his apartment complex in the fresh air.
This was just another eye opener to me and hopefully to my readers and podcast listeners, that we need to refrain from judgement on others. Once again, we have not walked in their shoes, and we don’t know what the backend of the story is. I do think I know now why the repetition of the exact same roleplay, and maybe I am not right as I am not a psychologist, but the fear of something being different in the session, hence I am always provided the same details prior to each show.
Till next time,
Open heart and open mind.